Diary of a Dilletante

I went to see my golf coach with my spare time on Saturday. It is a testament to the quality of this guy that driving 100 minutes to get there and then 100 minutes home again at the end of the session was totally worth it.

One of the attractions of dilettantism is getting new shiny stuff into your life on a regular basis. New skills are even nicer than new things for me and so getting some more advanced abilities for my golf game is more satisfying than a new piece of equipment. I felt like I was 10 feet tall for chunks of the session as I went from woeful to good in an aspect of my game that has been plaguing my scores. I’m still buzzing now to tell you the truth. Any readers in the Melbourne area looking for a golf coach should check out David Williams.

I ended up purchasing neither Wii nor PS3. There was finally an announcement of the Australian release date for Rock Band. The one game that would determine my ultimate console decision. It is finally coming in October. Around the same time Rock Band 2 will be released in the US. And the price gouging for this will require the Australian musical gamers to bend over and grit their teeth as they get reamed with neither reacharound nor lube. The total cost for Rock Band, 10 months after its’ original relase is $410

FOUR. HUNDRED. AND. TEN. DOLLARS!

Dear MTV Games,

GET FUCKED YOU GOUGING ARSEHOLES!

Love Bruce

I can buy an entire Wii for that price. On the current exchange rate, gamers in the US can purchase the same components for AU$180. Why the more than 100% price premium? It can’t possibly be shipping. Australia is region free so you shouldn’t have to recode anything. Why the fuck do you think you can get away with this exorbitant pricing regime?

And so the dream dies. What would have been a guaranteed, day-one sale has now turned into a disgruntled non-customer. One who will actively discourage anyone I know from buying your game at that price point. Who do you think you are? Apple?

So the list is now:
Glenelg Motor Inn
Something or someone (I can’t remember)
MTV Games.

So I have done my crappy shift work and have got back into the 9-6(ish) groove and I’m really looking forward to the large bonus hitting the account. I’m thinking a PS3 or Wii might be on the cards. The availability of Rock Band will be the determining factor. Does anyone know anyone coming back from the US soon that has a spare 18lbs of luggage allowance?

And to top these thoroughly top things off, I played a decent game of golf on the weekend. Shot 89 to play to my handicap and achieved a minor milestone for myself. I wanted to play 3 consecutive rounds at 89 or less and have managed to do that with the 89 at Mirboo North, 88 at Growling Frog and 86 at Moonah Links Open. Yay me. Next milestone is 15 handicap.
Not only that but I also snuck into the last qualifying spot for the President’s Cup. I will be going back next week for a matchplay game. The 8 qualifiers essentially start at the quarter finals stage, so who knows, I am only 3 wins away from a major pieces of perpetual silverware at the club. Given I putted like a spastic on Saturday and still scored OK I think I am a good chance to win if I can start out better. I am taking my old faithful putter though – the newer one isn’t much chop on the slow water-logged greens at Mirboo. I much prefer a lot of speed in the greens. Pick a line and get it rolling is my preferred play without worrying about inconsistencies in the surface. The locals manage it pretty well. One of my playing partners put on a short game clinic on Saturday – made it even more satisfying to take his money.

I’m feeling unusually charged up at the moment. Perhaps it is just feeling normal again after a pretty bad virus last week.

Hope you’re doing OK.

The AFL tribunal is a joke but it errs on the side of forgiveness. Imagine the hue and cry if they punished anyone as severely as this. The story comes from my Grandfather of the Grand Final of 1938 in the Millewa League.

The Millewa, as the area was known, was settled by pioneers. They had small areas so there were a lot of families. After the railway arrived there was a siding every 6 miles. Every siding had a football team. Over the years huge rivalry emerged between Bambill and Werrimull. They had strong teams and many times fought out the grand final.

Werrimull had an oval that was notorious for grazed elbows and knees as it was covered in small pebbles. Bambill had less gravel but often had bindi eye prickles. This year it seemed pretty certain that Bambill and Werrimull would again fight it out for the premiership flag.

There were only 4 matches left before the finals. Bambill was playing strongly as usual when the umpire Mel Brown gave a free kick to the opposing half forward. “Round the neck” said Mel, “round the arse” said Maurie. He was reported for obscene language and abuse.

The Millewa League had as a tribunal member the Catholic Priest who resided at Werrimull. Mel was unable to attend so Father Leyden ruled Maurie was ineligible to play for 6 weeks. Seemed a bit harsh when the season was nearly over.

Bambill and Werrimull were to play out for the premiership. Maurie still had 2 weeks suspension, and without his strength at half back it was looking bleak for Bambill. Tension was such that Bambill would not agree to Werrimull having the home ground advantage. Then Werrimull refused to play at Bambill. The League quickly decided a neutral ground must be found. Yarrara was chosen and working bees were arranged. Cleared by the locals, rubbish was heaped here and there and burnt. Not to worry about the patches of ashes on the playing area.

Grand final day arrived and Bambill were worried how to cope without their star match winner.

The result at the end of the day was a draw.

The following week interest was enormous and a big crowd arrived. Bambill still had to line up without their star. A hard fought match was played and to everyone’s surprise another draw ensued. Bambill were delighted as their star player was now out of suspension.

Interest in a third grand final was enormous. Time for the teams to run out on the ground, so where was League Secretary Paddy Murphy with the new football. In the excitement of the day he had left the football back at Werrimull. That was a round trip of 24 miles over a dirt track with pot holes, corrugations and sand patches. Maud Lowe the Werrimull publican’s wife was a talented car driver having won many competitions. She offered to take Paddy back to get the Football. In record time they were back, Paddy was white as a sheet and shaking.

The match progressed, I do not know the scores, but Bambill were the victors.

This is the story as I remember it. May not be totally accurate. I am the younger brother of the Star back line player at the centre of this amazing story.

A map of the towns in question. The Yarrarra oval only existed for this game and is now overgrown. Scrolling eastwards Bambill is now only a crossroads and further east again to find their arch rivals Werrimull.

View Larger Map

I am a long time advocate for removal of the bounce from Aussie Rules football. I have umpired over 200 games of football in my life and I can’t wait to see the end of it.

There is no real need for it and the only remaining argument for keeping it is ‘tradition’ and ‘differentiation’. Tradition has never stopped us from changing rules in the past and it shouldn’t stop us now. The other argument that Dimitriou and Anderson trot out is one of differentiation. That it is something that makes Aussie Rules unique. I often get the game confused with other football codes until I see the bounce. NOT! The game is instantly recognisable and utterly different from every other code. No wonder we love it so.

Rohan Connolly gets on board with the idea today but only in the wake of yet another poor bounce possible having an influence of a match result. The fact that it happened to Collingwood means it gets double the usual attention as the ferals complain about getting the raw deal from the umps as per usual.

The writing is clearly on the wall for the bounce. It is being phased out in the NAB cup with only the most optimal condition of the start of the quarter being reserved for the bounce and the rest being the basic throw up. Speed seems to be the reason for almost every change in the rules lately and it definitely applies to bounces. No need to stop the clock any longer than necessary, no need to set up and pick your spot as an umpire – just get the ball in the air and get play moving again.

The bounce was probably part of the reason I had to retire when I did. It places a heck of a lot of stress on the lower back and hammies to thump the ball into the ground from a standing position. You have to take it all the way to the ground if you want it to come up straight. That combined with taking the new ball for 20 years have probably ruined me from the navel down.

If we were to create the game of Aussie Rules today from scratch, then I seriously doubt we would include anything as random as a bounce to restart play. I’m sure there was a good reason for it, but that reason appears no longer to be required. Throw it up and throw it straight – it will keep the umpires in the right position to make decisions and keep the restart conditions nice and even.

BAN THE BOUNCE!

There seems to be a notion getting around following Bollyline or Buckgate or whatever the Sydney test is being known as, that the Australians, in their arrogant boorishness, failed to shake hands with Anil Kumble or the Indian team at the end of the match.

Eg. Chloe Saltau in The Australian 10 January

Imagine how tensions could have been eased if an Australian had broken away from the euphoric victory celebrations on Sunday evening and found Anil Kumble, who had batted valiantly for more than two hours for 45 runs only to be stranded at the end, waiting in the path to the Australian dressing room in case someone felt inclined to shake his hand. No one did.

But I think the first to start this line was Peter Roebuck in the various Fairfax outlets on 8 January

Probably the worst aspect of the Australians’ performance was their conduct at the end. When the last catch was taken they formed into a huddle and started jumping up and down like teenagers at a rave. It was not euphoria. It was ecstasy. They had swallowed a pill called Vengeance, among the most dangerous on the shelves. Not one player so much as thought about shaking hands with the defeated and departing

To these people I refer the following video of the time in question.

The end of the Sydney Test Match 2007

Youtube links can come and go so feel free to source the Channel 9 coverage any way you like. At the 2:20 mark of the above video – or 2 minutes after the fall of the last wicket – please observe that not only are Australians thinking about shaking hands, they actually are shaking hands. In fact every member of the Australian team appears to shake hands with every member of the Indian team.

Now I’m looking for more examples of this falsehood. That may be it – but I doubt it. Spanky is pretty widely read and so I’m sure his little tizzy is being picked up in more places. I therefore request your assistance if you see any to link them here or over at Tony’s After Grog Blog

I will update this post with more as I find them.

Found another one. Rohit Brijnath on BBC World

For example, it seems silly to carp about India’s celebrations after the Twenty20 World Cup victory being excessive (and they were), yet prance wildly in Sydney and gesticulate “take that” to their critics like petulant schoolboys. No one even arrived to shake Kumble’s hand at the game’s end.

And apparently Neil Harvey too although maybe not a direct quote

Harvey was also concerned by Australia’s failure to shake Anil Kumble’s hand at the end of the Test. “I don’t think they are very sporting.”

Venu Bolisetty – Dreamcricket Special Columnist

Anil Kumble was dejected, after having fought for such a long time and not a single Australian came to pat him on his back or shake his hands. They were all caught up in celebrating their success.

Mat Thompson – Fox Sports News

India’s captain might have been correct when he suggested Australia had acted outside of the sports intended spirit. Indeed, forgetting to properly shake the hand of an opponent after a match is not acceptable and indefensible. India’s players enjoyed similar euphoric celebrations after they defeated Pakistan to win the Twenty20 World Cup.

The Geelong Advertiser editorial shameless pillages Spanky’s original call

Anyone who saw Kumble leave the field on Sunday after heroically, but ultimately fruitlessly, trying to save the game for his team would find it hard to argue with him. Despite his enormous efforts in the match, both with bat and ball, not one Australian cricketer went to shake his hand as he left the field and congratulate him on a job well done.

On 13 January we have the Anti Plastic Spanky by Rohan Connoly for Fairfax. It’s like he has been reading AGB. Although he doesn’t realise that the handshakes did go to air on Channel Nine live as they happened.

The Australians did shake Indian hands last Sunday, including those of Anil Kumble and the feisty and the equally demonstrative Harbhajan Singh, as they congregated at the boundary minutes after notching up their 16th straight win.

Sadly, the “time limit” imposed by the self-appointed guardians of acts of sporting chivalry had apparently been exceeded. And unfortunately those all-important cameras were by then trained elsewhere.

Tony Stephens in SMH on 8 January

Yet many Australians will remember their team’s triumphalism at the end of the Sydney Test, when players failed to shake hands with Anil Kumble, after his brave innings. That certainly was not cricket. Players shake hands after games of rugby league, among the toughest of sports.

Amy Remeikis offers a female perspective on the issue, at least she has a qualifier that she didn’t see it- she must have switched off as as soon as the catch was taken.

They may have been seriously annoyed at what they perceived happened on the field, but they showed no humility in their winning celebrations and, as far as I could see, didn’t even shake hands at the end of the game.

Note – All bolds for emphasis were added by me.

It’s been three years now since I umpired a game of footy and I wonder just what the fuck has happened to the game I love in that time. Holding the ball is now a lottery. Hands in the back at least has an excuse in being a ‘new’ interpretation and will need some bedding down. The report of Robert Murphy is a candidate for the worst decision by an umpire in the history of the game.

As for the World Cup well I just want the bloody thing to end. Last time I stayed up to watch every game. I rate Ricky Ponting’s innings in the final as one of the best I’ve ever seen. The ICC in a chase for dollars have, once again, tried their hardest to kill the goose that lays their golden eggs. They shit me and they continue to do half of fuck all to grow the game. And I’m still bitter about Madeline giving Milo Cricket the flick.

I am still waiting to be officially ‘told’ something at work. I have been told the same rumour 4 times by different people and the news is great for me and my career – but can someone just come out and ask me please. I’m burning too much mental energy fretting over it just in case I have been given a bum steer.

Another ‘tricky’ case for the AFL tribunal and another night spent tying themselves in knots to get blokes playing and avoiding making any sort of hard decision.

In an amazing example of Orwellian doublethink, the tribunal has found that Adam Selwood did not say anything to provoke Des Headland, but that Headland was so extraordinarily provoked that it justified his striking of Selwood.

This is the same body that decided Barry Hall was ‘in play’ some 50m from the ball and all sort of other contortions of intent and position to avoid denying someone’s place on the field.

Much has been made recently over whether players and clubs should be role models for the community at large, but what about the responsibility of the AFL to be a role model to the footballing community. This is one of the areas where the ‘trickle down effect’ really plays out. Today’s egregious decision will make its’ way down the footballing heirachy right down to the junior comps of Australia and “just tell them you were provoked” will be a standard defence tactic.

Has there ever been a point in football history where the tribunal has not been a joke?

EDIT: Gehrig took the week – so blatant was his guilt.